Hairball Goop and Gold Bond Foot Cream

It’s cold and raining today. A lot of people I know are happy about this. I think because it’s been 89.9 degrees and about the same extreme in percent of humidity for a few weeks now. That’s very unusual for far north Minnesconsin (Minnesota/Wisconsin—take your pick. The line blurs here in the woodsy forest), but…

As Long As I Have High Heels Everything Will Be Just Fine

I have a birthday coming—soon, so yesterday I sucked it up and made the obligatory visit for my annual physical. I’ve been seeing this doc for my entire adult life. My appointments these days are pretty uneventful. The nurse checks my blood pressure, pulse, weight and height, then a I have pleasant chat with my…

This Is What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

Here we are, creeping up on a full week in January already and I have not yet made a single resolution for the new year. I’ve thought of plenty, mind you—lofty, idealistic goals stirred up by the bold declarations of those answering the call of self-improvement and good deeds. It’s a contagion, I tell you,…

Make Mine Platinum, Please

I have no doubt that in my heart and especially in my vision of myself, I will be the Middle AgeD Goddess until I leave this world, but let’s face it, chronologically my middle age is not going to last forever. My forties have been left in the dust, and I blew past fifty almost…

There Will Be Dancing

It’s Halloween, or Samhain, a favorite celebration for me, combining two obsessions—my attraction to the macabre and my desire to play dress up . . . preferably in over the top, glittery, feathered finery. I think there is a distinct possibility I was a drag queen in a former life. I have happy memories of…

MIDLIFE LEMONADE

When life gives you menopause and turns up the heat spike your lemonade and put up your feet. Get your sass on, you’re an outrageous woman with wisdom to pass on. Embrace the archetype, be a Midlife Maven. Toot your horn, rule your roost, collect your due, exact your revenge for the weight that now…