Tag Archives: Older and Wiser

Marginal Woman

growing up i learned two sides to everything
right wrong good evil should shouldn’t your way my way
love-&-acceptance fear-&-hate everything black-&-white
and marginal me a foot in each world
the devil’s advocate scaling both sides
tell her it’s black and she’ll say white my mother would say
what i saw was so much gray

cocooned that way in a world so light we all
just might disappear in a good winter’s snow
not a single black-skinned person
not then-and when they arrived my father (a product of his generation) declared
interracial relationships were not right black should not mix with white
i asked him what degree of dark complexion is the cut off line

half serb one-quarter french one-quarter ojibwa
mistaken for greek, italian, latino and
when summer tanned mulatto too (that was the word they used)
i am only the second born generation with feet on this land
i do not know the blood that ran in the veins of my people centuries ago
but I see all the shades of my skin and i know

fear and hate divide us across a parted sea of color
your side my side a chasm wrought
over what ought to be
while violence rains down and I wonder
can no one else see the philistines
working both crowds
waiting for us all to drown
in a river of blood
that runs
all the same

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Fat Bottom Queen

“Fat bottom girls make the rockin’ world go round.” Queen

It’s a dark (or new) moon tonight. If inclined to work with solar and lunar cycles, this is an auspicious time to stir up a little banishing energy to chase away that which no longer serves your desire or purpose. It’s a bit of an oxymoron – the new moon is actually a waxing – or increasing – moon, but it is at 0% of illumination, completely dark to the eye. This dark moon is the realm of inner work and favored for bidding good riddance to whatever irks or ails you.

Having recently laid out some hard earned cash for an age appropriate fitness DVD, it crossed my mind that today would be a good day to begin a weight-loss regime. Well, a good day to begin again, since the very first morning after it arrived in the mail, I earned a gold star for jumping through all the hoops; cardio, toning and balance.

Then I woke the next day, aching from head to foot. My remedy was to comfort myself with a breakfast of French toast, sausage and a promise to at least hobble through the hoops after my stiff muscles loosened up a bit. That took a week.

And then, it was Easter. How could I start a new fitness program when there was glazed ham, cheesy potatoes and Peeps to eat?  After Easter, it was my birthday. I’m so grateful for having the best BFF’s an old gal could ask for. They know that birthdays of a certain age call for chocolate and wine, and more chocolate and more wine, and then more chocolate and more wine. The gifts kept coming for a full week.

Now, here we are, under a dark moon and a very good day to start my fitness program again – commit to banishing all the junk food from the house and increasing my activity level. But there is still one gift remaining; the cute, personal-sized devil’s food cake tempting me to adorn it with peppermint ice cream and gobble it up.

So I’m thinking maybe I could use the banishing energy of this moon phase to dump the guilt and disappointment I’ve been carrying around for the past 10 years over my failure to maintain the svelte size 8 of my pre-midlife/menopausal/post-hysterectomy days.

I am done obsessing about every bit of food that goes into my mouth. How many calories? How much fat? From now on, I am going to eat what suits me, when it suits me, and I think what suits me is to have wine and chocolate every day.

White wine, red wine, rosé, Chablis,
it all suits me to a T.
A glass or two – or maybe three,
and chocolate – dark, melty, and sweet.
These are the things I shall eat.
Sweet, sweet on my lips;
be damned what finds its home upon my hips!

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