Category Archives: Beauty and Image

April 10, 2013

Fat Bottom Queen

By JL

“Fat bottom girls make the rockin’ world go round.” – Queen

It’s a dark (or new) moon tonight. If inclined to work with solar and lunar cycles, this is an auspicious time to stir up a little banishing energy to chase away that which no longer serves your desire or purpose. It’s a bit of an oxymoron – the new moon is actually a waxing – or increasing – moon, but it is at 0% of illumination, completely dark to the eye. This dark moon is the realm of inner work and favored for bidding good riddance to whatever irks or ails you.

Having recently laid out some hard earned cash for an age appropriate fitness DVD, it crossed my mind that today would be a good day to begin a weight-loss regime. Well, a good day to begin again, since the very first morning after it arrived in the mail, I earned a gold star for jumping through all the hoops; cardio, toning and balance.

Then I woke the next day, aching from head to foot. My remedy was to comfort myself with a breakfast of French toast, sausage and a promise to at least hobble through the hoops after my stiff muscles loosened up a bit. That took a week.

And then, it was Easter. How could I start a new fitness program when there was glazed ham, cheesy potatoes and Peeps to eat?  After Easter, it was my birthday. I’m so grateful for having the best BFF’s an old gal could ask for. They know that birthdays of a certain age call for chocolate and wine, and more chocolate and more wine, and then more chocolate and more wine. The gifts kept coming for a full week.

Now, here we are, under a dark moon and a very good day to start my fitness program again – commit to banishing all the junk food from the house and increasing my activity level. But there is still one gift remaining; the cute, personal-sized devil’s food cake tempting me to adorn it with peppermint ice cream and gobble it up.

So I’m thinking maybe I could use the banishing energy of this moon phase to dump the guilt and disappointment I’ve been carrying around for the past 10 years over my failure to maintain the svelte size 8 of my pre-midlife/menopausal/post-hysterectomy days.

I am done obsessing about every bit of food that goes into my mouth. How many calories? How much fat? From now on, I am going to eat what suits me, when it suits me, and I think what suits me is to have wine and chocolate every day.

White wine, red wine, rosé, Chablis,
it all suits me to a T.
A glass or two – or maybe three,
and chocolate – dark, melty, and sweet.
These are the things I shall eat.
Sweet, sweet on my lips;
be damned what finds its home upon my hips!

2 Comments   |  tags: , , | posted in Aging Gracelessly, Beauty and Image

November 26, 2012

Black Friday: Is This Bill of Goods Worth the Bargain?

By JL

It’s been said the secret to happiness is learning to want what you have instead of longing to have what you want.

What kind of anarchy is this?

If that simplistic philosophy were to take root and grow, it would surely smother the very breath of capitalism and consumption economics in America.

There is no denying it — we are a nation of great consumers, using up, replacing and upgrading; always wanting more or better than what we have.

It’s the American way. An entire industry, if not the very economy of our country, is based on it; suggesting the need, creating the desire and closing the deal — the holy grail of marketing.

About a week ago, while perusing the shelves at the local discount chain, searching for the right toothpaste to meet my dental needs, I spotted a newcomer to the already 50 or more choices. One major brand now offers an age appropriate formula for baby boomers.

Age appropriate toothpaste isn’t exactly a new concept. A tot formula was introduced some time back, presumably made with less potentially injurious ingredients if ingested. Turns out small children like to swallow the paste made with flavors, like bubble gum. Go figure.

I donned my cheaters and started comparing ingredients listed on the packages only to find the senior toothpaste, formulated to address the needs of aging gums and teeth — gingivitis, enamel loss and sensitivity — were virtually the same ingredients in the complete care formula I’ve been using.

Curious, I went on to spend more time than I should have reading the backs of numerous brands and formulas. Here’s the short breakdown to save you the trouble: The active ingredients are the same regardless of which benefits the packaging touts. So pick your poison.

In other words, go for the flavor that you most like, or the freshness factor when done brushing, or the sensitive paste if you need it. Choose the sparkly gel or the abrasive paste. Buy pearly liquid dispensed in drops or paste that foams from a pump. It’s all going to do the same job.

Having taken numerous marketing courses in recent years, I can tell you that the confusing array of seemingly different options to choose from is all about the pitch. And the pitch is all about giving lagging sales a shot in the arm.

Here’s another time saving tip for you. The same applies to shampoo, hair conditioners and styling products, cosmetics and facial creams, nutritional supplements, and OTC medications across brands. Just pick the ones with containers to match your décor, or prices to fit your coin purse. It’s all going to deliver the same results.

Really, the marketing hype permeates almost everything we purchase. The buzz promises, healthier, whiter teeth; smoother, flawless skin; cleaner, whiter laundry; sleeker body style and magic assist parking; fuller flavor and fewer calories; better fit with secret control panel; bigger screen, more aps, unlimited minutes; smaller chip, more memory. If all else fails, we can replace the things we already have with things that are a new color, new shape, longer, shorter, smaller or bigger.

Is it any wonder we old broads become more and more invisible as the years add up? What do we have to offer that is new? Although, we are most definitely improved. Perhaps we need a marketing campaign for that; “Wiser – Kinder and more user friendly than ever before!”  Okay, that last part might only apply to the grandkids – but still truth in advertising.

I digress. The only thing really new about these consumer products is the packaging and the pitch; nothing more than devices to reposition a familiar product at the front end of the marketing cycle and generate an increase in sales. And all of that redesigned packaging with the associated sales campaign to launch a “new and improved” product drives up the price of what we buy.

Go consumption economics!

So to Black Friday, I say now’s the time to throw down your circulars, break ranks and join the revolution. Free yourself from the oppression of acquiring everything you want. Go back to your warm bed and find your bliss by finding satisfaction in what you have.

As for us old babes who are genuinely getting better ever day, I say raise your own value – you are definitely worth the investment for the true happiness you bring to others.

2 Comments | posted in Aging Gracelessly, Beauty and Image

June 22, 2011

THE BLISS CONNECTION

By JL

The Drs. aired a Special episode today with an all male audience to ask everything they always wanted to know but don’t understand about women.  One man wanted to know what it is with women and chocolate.  He thought that sometimes women would prefer chocolate to sex.  At least he thinks his woman would, so they all must be that way, right?
His ego-arrogance aside (maybe she only prefers chocolate to sex with him), it got me thinking.  What is this hold chocolate has over so many women and why does it seem to be a female- mostly addiction.
I’m not buying all that malarkey about estrogen and hormonal imbalance driving a women like a wild stallion out of control, the poor female doing her best just to keep hold of the reins. 
For instance, estrogen is supposed to be the “feel good” hormone.  There’s just one flaw in the ointment – PMS. For those who suffer it, PMS symptoms are worse when estrogen is at it’s highest. Then, they seem to be far more relaxed and calm when estrogen drops to its lowest monthly level right after ovulation.
The flaw is in the narrow parameters of the studies.  They forget to factor in that estrogen also boosts brain function.  It’s the reason why we become forgetful in menopause when estrogen starts drying up along with everything else.
Though men refuse to admit it, study after study indicates that women are more prone than men to compromise and “let things go” for the sake of harmony in a relationship. Perhaps when estrogen peaks and takes brain function and reasoning along with it, women simply can’t dumb themselves down enough to keep from throwing their perfectly valid two cents (uh, sense) into the pot.
So what about the chocolate?  I have a theory on that too.  Did you doubt that I would?
When a man is courting a woman, trying to impress her, win her over with his charm and gallantry, he talks to her in sweet tones, smiles a lot, gives her gifts (little and big) compliments her regularly and generally feeds her on a feel good diet.  Powerful drug that feel good stuff is.
But it doesn’t last.  I point again to science.  Prehistoric men were hardwired to be hunters and warriors.  Fast forward and it’s still lurking in their DNA; they hunt for jobs, they compete with other employees for promotions and raises, they watch their sports teams battle it out on the field, maybe they hunt wild game . . . and they hunt and compete for a mate.  The very challenge of finding her and winning out over all the other men gets their blood up.
Once the woman is won, their brain starts dragging them off to find new conquests on the modern day hunting grounds and battlefields of jobs and sports and backyard barbeques.  The sweet tones become flat, the smiles are fleeting, and the compliments have to be dragged from the dark, cobwebby recesses of the brain cave.
“Honey, how do I look in these jeans?”
Can you believe that, handed the opening on a silver platter, some guys still don’t get it?
The Drs. said today that chocolate contains certain chemicals that mimic the feel good substances, like serotonin, in our brains.  Just so you know, so do fat and sugar.  So, after being slyly seduced and helplessly addicted to the feel good diet of our courtship, we crave the high that those sweet words of love and adoration gave us.
But the supply line has dried up, so we stuff chocolate in our mouths like a heroine addict sucks down methadone.  We prefer the dark chocolate (something else men don’t understand) because it has the greatest percentage of cacao – a better high.  But like any addict, we’ll take what we can get.  Admit it, you’ve stood with the fridge door open slurping from the can of Hershey’s Syrup.
Supposedly, long distance running produces the same feel good chemicals – the runners’ high.  Remember that movie with Julia Roberts, The Runaway Bride?  Maybe she had this figured out.
As for me, I think I have the solution to my addiction and for shedding the weight that is, literally, rolling around my midsection.  I just need somebody to dangle a chocolate bar off the back of their truck and get me to chase it for a couple of miles every day.

. . . . . . mid

GET A ^ LIFE at MAD Goddess

1 Comment | posted in Beauty and Image