Category Archives: MUSINGS

Christmas 2.0: A Holiday Made for Two

Once you’ve feathered your empty nest, the reality of  spending your December Holidays with you, yourself and maybe your significant other (if you have one)  can be a real slap in the face. How many years did you exhaust yourself conjuring up holiday festivities, traditions and gobs of gifts for your children, only to have them tell you now that the family dynamics and dysfunction are just too much?

Take a deep breath, love them for who they are (ungrateful little twits), and take a few pages from their Book of Me to help you plan the perfect Christmas without them.

The hubs and I are seasoned empty nesters. After seven years, we can say, “So far, so good.” We enjoy our quieter, cozy home for two. We appreciate not worrying about the comings and goings of teenage or adult children. We even like each other’s company. There’s just one tiny, annoying fly in the figgy pudding around this time of year — Christmas with just the two of us.

Spend just a few minutes listening to any group of young adults as the winter festivities draw near and you’ll get your fill of bah-humbugging. The only list longer than the gifts they’d like Santa to put under their tree is the one enumerating all their complaints about expectations, obligations, family dysfunctions and the stress of it all (cue melodramatic music).

I did a quick search of the internet, hoping to find other empty nesters sharing their thoughts on creating new holiday traditions after the birdies have flown the coop. There were a few, a snowflake or two lost in the blizzard of posts, tweets and blogs written by the under 40-somethings who pine for solitary holidays — dreaming of their food, their tree, their decorations — all of it their way and preferably by themselves.

OK, I get it. Over the river and through the woods to grandma’s house isn’t as much fun once you become the parents in the middle. Coordinating schedules to accommodate split families, blended families and geographical distance is a practice in the logistics of monkey business. Even when we are willing to take any day in close proximity to the 25th of December, it still means our kids are dragging their kids to and from four or more Christmases in as many days. Talk about too much of good thing spoiling the sentiment.

The idea of happy Christmases with all the kids and grandchildren gathered round the tree, all on the same day at the same time, are as old fashioned as black and white television to these Blue Ray, HD connoisseurs. They’ll laugh until their stomachs hurt watching Home Alone, The Christmas Story and Chevy Chase’s Christmas Vacation, but the thought of actually participating in the multi-generational, extended family Christmases that we cut our teeth on, leaves them trembling in their pricey Ugh boots.

Even though there is a perverse side of me that would like to rent a hall, invite all the grands, all the exes, and all the steps to one big family free-for-all (with a well-stocked bar), I realize there is as much chance of that happening as there is of hosting a snowball fight in Hawaii.

Like I said, I get all that, but it still leaves hubby and I with a Christmas day all too quiet and more than a little bit lonely compared to the attendance not optional Christmases our parents and grandparents commanded.

So be it. If the second half of life is all about embracing change and finally doing things our way, then we can take no better cue than from the generations behind us. Let family gatherings and activities swirl around us before and after; our Christmas Day will be perfect just for two.

Sleeping in and then lingering over morning coffee, instead of getting up at the crack of dawn, sounds like a fine start to me. There’ll be time to relax and enjoy each other’s company with no distractions, no siblings sniping at each other, no grandchildren whining, and no explosion of wrapping paper when presents are opened in two minutes, flat. I’m thinking a dinner that includes a bottle of wine and a couple of medium-rare filets beats the heck out of crowd pleasing ham and scalloped potatoes in the crock pot.

Maybe we’ll take a ride to see the Christmas lights and then return home to watch all of our favorite movies. We’ll eat only the best cookies on the plate and not worry about setting a bad example for the grandchildren. Without our kids to roll their eyes and mock us, we might even sing a Christmas Carol or two — because it’s all about us and that’s what we like to do.

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Living the second half of live with Passion, Purpose & Pizzazz.


Make Mine Platinum, Please

I have no doubt that in my heart and especially in my vision of myself, I will be the Middle AgeD Goddess until I leave this world, but let’s face it, chronologically my middle age is not going to last forever. My forties have been left in the dust, and I blew past fifty almost seven years ago. It’s a bit disconcerting to realize I am closer to the next decade than I am to the last one I left behind.

There is a prevailing edict for women of middle age and beyond in our culture to fight the outward signs of aging until the dying breath. Of late, I find I am always struggling to exude the correct mix of vitality, grace and maturity without being perceived as dated and frumpy. The older I get the more exhausting the effort becomes and I wonder, when will it be okay with everybody else for me to look my natural age?

I’m pretty sure, the answer is never, but in moving toward yet another decade of life, what other people think is right for me has less meaning than ever before. And, the more tricky it becomes to pull off the facade of youth without appearing like I’m foolishly clinging to false hopes, the more I relish the thought of accepting the crown of the Crone.

In that spirit, I decided to stop coloring my hair. I don’t remember exactly when I made that decision—I’m guessing about six months ago judging from the three-plus inches of growth from my roots of dark brown with gray streaks. What I do remember very distinctly is that last color coming out somewhat on the hot pink side of the color wheel (in the sunlight at least) instead of the usual chestnut brown. It eventually faded to a tolerable auburn.

When I began this outgrowth, I wasn’t quite sure what might be revealed; my mother and my sister both went mostly gray—stunning silver, to be exact—quite early in their lives. Alas I am blessed with the genes from my paternal grandmother and aunties, who all continued coloring their hair well into their 90s. I’m beginning to understand why; I think all gray is far less aging than this salt and (mostly) pepper nonsense—it’s not even a color for Pete’s sake.

A few weeks ago, I had nearly all off the faded titian tresses (six inches worth) snipped off, leaving me with a contemporary, wavy bob I hoped would help me look less dragged out and perhaps a bit younger. Every man who has been brave enough to comment truthfully says it makes me look older than my age. I tend to agree, which is why I didn’t turn any of them into balding, paunch-bellied,Viagra popping men. Oh, wait; they already are.

All of that aside, I’m fed up to my whiskered chin with bad hair days. Long, short, colored, graying, straight, curly, none of it is making me happy when I look in the mirror. I am sorely tempted to chop it within an inch of its life and go platinum blonde—what’s the worst that could happen?

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Get a  ^  life!

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Living the second half of live with Passion, Purpose & Pizzazz.


Sing Out Strong

Pink Moon Dec. 6, 2014 Northern Wisconsin

Pink Moon Dec. 6, 2014
Northern Wisconsin

To all those who are wondering what they can do to help in this time of sadness, confusion and great division in our national community – let your voice call for peace so that we can work together for a just solution. Please help me make this image go viral today!

As I have watched the peaceful protests that began in Ferguson, spread to New York, and are now taking place across our country, I became acutely aware that there were no voices joined in song. We all know that music uplifts and heals the broken. It has the magic to bring people together in a common cause and it diffuses tensions−it is now scientifically proven that singing produces endorphins.

Over the last few busy days, I had great intentions to secure an image I could use for a meme. I was also aware of the full moon rising today. When my photography friend posted this photo, I knew it was the one. It immediately made me feel peaceful. She graciously granted her permission for its use.

In moon lore and legend, the Pink Moon rises in April when the pink moss is on the ground in northern hemisphere (wild pink phlox in forest regions). It signals a time of renewal and new beginnings. Could I have received any more perfect image than this?

Here is my wish. That somehow, today, with your help, this image will go viral and we will hear voices raising in harmony tonight, beneath the full moon and that peace will lift the hearts and spirits of everyone who hears the words, “Let there peace on earth and let it begin with me.” I hope too, that it will inspire all those who feel lost and hopeless, to lay down verbal arms and unite in a solution that serves peace and all life.

I have changed a few words in the original lyrics to be more culturally inclusive and less denominational. Please help me to make this go viral.
Thank you. Judith Liebaert.

#singoutstrong

#blacklivesmatter

#unitedwestand

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