Category Archives: Beauty and Image

Prince, the Purple Train and High Heel Shoes: Bonding With My Daughter

I can’t believe another summer is drawing to a close. Despite my mother being right (and mother’s always are—despite our daughters disavowing that fact), I refuse to admit the days of sunshine and roses seem to be going faster the older I get. But, here it is a week into August already, the school supplies are running low on the shelves at Walmart and I’m calculating how many pool days I might have left before I risk getting hypothermia in the unheated water.

So it was two months ago, today, June 7th, that my daughter and I attended a party in honor of the late, great Prince on what would have been his birthday. We live about 100 miles, as the crow flies, from Paisley Park. Prince is a god in these parts. Any party in his honor is going to be a rocking time, but one hosted on a historical rail car billed the Purple Train for the evening, makes that literal.

As planned, I picked my daughter up at her house. As expected, with two children and a man-child husband, she was running just a tad late. Having worked delays into the schedule didn’t stop me from engaging in a smidgeon of interstate impatience. I mean, seriously, you could hardly call a few choice commentaries on the rush hour commuters’ collective I.Q. road rage.

“You’re going to be one of those really crumidgey ladies when you get old, aren’t you?” 

She meant curmudgeonly. I prefer to think of myself as crotchety. It infers the feminine aspect of curmudgeon—or at least I like to think so.

My first thought was, I am old. But who could blame her for not recognizing my sage position in life. I was the one who bought the tickets to the party, I was the one driving us to the train, and I was the one dressed in purple from the fedora on my head, wrapped with purple paisley scarf trailing down my back, to the purple patent stilettos on my feet.

All of this went through my head, before I answered her question. “Yes, when I am old, I’m going to be a real bitch.”

She, in no purple but wearing appropriate skinny jeans, big-hoop earrings and a pair of drop-dead, four-inch, leopard print platform pumps, laughed and said, “It will be so much fun taking you out of the home for day trips.”

It’s my own fault, I raised the smart ass.

Staged on a moving, vintage train traveling a fifty mile scenic route and back one might have questioned our elevating footwear. We ourselves briefly considered the wisdom of dancing in high heels while being jostled over railroad tracks in poor repair, but for two women with more than 100 pairs of shoes, booties, boots and sandals between us, it was a brief debate. The shoes won over wisdom.

There were four cars making up the Purple Train (it wasn’t really purple). The first was a boxcar empty of anything but the DJ’s sound equipment and purple lights. Next was the bar car, followed by two standard commuter coaches.

Our plan was to spend at least some time in the comfort of the roomy, vintage passenger seats. It was a good plan, made better by the fact that the sound quality of the Prince catalog was far superior in coach than it was in the dance-party car. But, much as the shoes were a necessary part of the ensemble, a DJ spinning Prince meant there would be non-stop dancing.Screen Shot 2017-08-07 at 2.34.38 PM

It’s good for a crotchety old woman like myself to put on her high heels and haul her old dance moves out onto the floor once in a while. Maintaining my balance in purple stilettos while dancing on a rocking train proves I’ve still got it.

Having my daughter lean in close to tell me to please, don’t break a hip it will spoil the party, is just more payback for raising a smart-ass.

After three hours (with a long, planned stop at the far end of the track) the Purple Train pulled back into the station and we headed back to my baby blue VW Bug, Blucy (she has false eyelashes on her headlights). I kicked off my shoes and removed my fedora. My salt & peppa hair was plastered to my head with sweat, from dancing or post middle age flashes—I’m not sure which.

“Let’s stop at the Choo Choo for a drink,” my daughter suggested. Yes, that’s the name of the bar. Yes, it’s a rail road town.

“But, I have hat hair.”

“So put your hat back on.”

Despite embracing a somewhat bohemian esthetic, I don’t normally hang out in working class, neighborhood bars dressed to draw attention. I raised an eyebrow at her.

“You can practice your crabby old lady routine.” She said. “If anybody asks about the hat, just tell them you’ve been riding the Purple Train all night long.”

“That sounds like a drug euphemism.”

“Even better!” she laughed. “I’ll stand behind you and shake my head, saying ‘Old hippy—too many psychedelic trips.”

That could be fun,” I said. “The trips, not the hat hair.” 

I snugged my hat onto my head at a daring angle and squeezed my swollen feet back into my heels. 

The summer isn’t over yet. Bonnie Raitt is appearing under a big top in three weeks,  just fifty miles from my daughter’s house. Now where did I put my cowboy boots?


As Long As I Have High Heels Everything Will Be Just Fine

I have a birthday coming—soon, so yesterday I sucked it up and made the obligatory visit for my annual physical. I’ve been seeing this doc for my entire adult life. My appointments these days are pretty uneventful. The nurse checks my blood pressure, pulse, weight and height, then a I have pleasant chat with my doctor while he adds the stats into my now digitized files. It occurred to me that he is the one constant witness to the passing of my years, the chronicler of my time on this earth.

Today he recorded a new development—more of a reversal, really, given that I’m starting to shrink. I’ve lost a half an inch, and his is not good news. It means I’m that age; despite my best efforts and any modicum of success at remaining youthful, my physical body is progressing along the natural aging continuum while in my head I am still holding steady at thirty—forty at most.

Who am I kidding? In my head, I’m Sigourney Weaver rocking it in a t-shirt and bikini briefs in Aliens. But much to my regret and the desire to admit it, in the mirror I’m Madeline Kahn in Young Frankenstein.

Gold Kitten HeelsI woke up this morning with an overwhelming desire to don a long, sleek satin dressing gown, slip into a pair of kitten heels and adjourn to the sunny breakfast room where I could sip my French press coffee and enjoy a soft-boiled egg and toast sitting at a chic, blonde-oak, mid-century Heywood table with vinyl-padded, curved-back chairs. From there, I’d retire to the chintz covered sofa with my laptop and continue writing the next great American novel.

In short, I awoke with an urge to embrace the stereotype of a woman past her prime, slowing, but glamorously fading into obscurity.

Instead I poked my arms though the bulky sleeves of my ratty plush robe and slid my feet into faux suede and fleece mules. I shuffled blurry-eyed to the kitchen where I managed to get most of the coffee grounds into the Mr. Coffee basket and pour the water in without spilling, only to find my coffee pot, my morning life line, the brewer of my vital energy elixir, is kaput. It coughed and sputtered and blew a lot of steam that lifted the cover of the water reservoir up and down making it look sort of like a black dragon having a hissy fit.

It finally dribbled about a half cup of very strong brew into the pot. I added hot tap water and called it good. My toaster is operating on its last few coils, judging from the alternating stripes of crunchy toast and chewy bread it popped out. Forget the soft eggs, way to much effort.Coffee

I sipped my coffee while my brain wrapped itself around this new information. I’m shrinking. Old people shrink, they turn into tiny little gnomes wearing cardigan sweaters when it’s 80-degress, demanding the air conditioning be shut off in every room they enter. It occurs to me I hate air conditioning. I start mentally calculating how many cardigans I own and decide to start a box for charity donation.

I may have lost half an inch, but I’m not about to give a mile to aging. And there’s always high heels—or at the very least kitten heels.

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Make Mine Platinum, Please

I have no doubt that in my heart and especially in my vision of myself, I will be the Middle AgeD Goddess until I leave this world, but let’s face it, chronologically my middle age is not going to last forever. My forties have been left in the dust, and I blew past fifty almost seven years ago. It’s a bit disconcerting to realize I am closer to the next decade than I am to the last one I left behind.

There is a prevailing edict for women of middle age and beyond in our culture to fight the outward signs of aging until the dying breath. Of late, I find I am always struggling to exude the correct mix of vitality, grace and maturity without being perceived as dated and frumpy. The older I get the more exhausting the effort becomes and I wonder, when will it be okay with everybody else for me to look my natural age?

I’m pretty sure, the answer is never, but in moving toward yet another decade of life, what other people think is right for me has less meaning than ever before. And, the more tricky it becomes to pull off the facade of youth without appearing like I’m foolishly clinging to false hopes, the more I relish the thought of accepting the crown of the Crone.

In that spirit, I decided to stop coloring my hair. I don’t remember exactly when I made that decision—I’m guessing about six months ago judging from the three-plus inches of growth from my roots of dark brown with gray streaks. What I do remember very distinctly is that last color coming out somewhat on the hot pink side of the color wheel (in the sunlight at least) instead of the usual chestnut brown. It eventually faded to a tolerable auburn.

When I began this outgrowth, I wasn’t quite sure what might be revealed; my mother and my sister both went mostly gray—stunning silver, to be exact—quite early in their lives. Alas I am blessed with the genes from my paternal grandmother and aunties, who all continued coloring their hair well into their 90s. I’m beginning to understand why; I think all gray is far less aging than this salt and (mostly) pepper nonsense—it’s not even a color for Pete’s sake.

A few weeks ago, I had nearly all off the faded titian tresses (six inches worth) snipped off, leaving me with a contemporary, wavy bob I hoped would help me look less dragged out and perhaps a bit younger. Every man who has been brave enough to comment truthfully says it makes me look older than my age. I tend to agree, which is why I didn’t turn any of them into balding, paunch-bellied,Viagra popping men. Oh, wait; they already are.

All of that aside, I’m fed up to my whiskered chin with bad hair days. Long, short, colored, graying, straight, curly, none of it is making me happy when I look in the mirror. I am sorely tempted to chop it within an inch of its life and go platinum blonde—what’s the worst that could happen?

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Living the second half of live with Passion, Purpose & Pizzazz.